I hope this isn’t a shocker, but I’m not perfect. Far from it actually. Under the right circumstances I’ve been known to say some really regrettable things to people that I care about and occasionally that includes saying inelegant or hurtful things in therapy. As a result, I’ve attempted and tried to learn about a lot of ways to recover in the relationship. One of the best methods I’ve used so far is pulled from Dr. David Burns of Stanford University who pioneered his own treatment method called TEAM-CBT for depression, anxiety, trauma, and substance use (see our Catalyst Intensives if you curious about this type of therapy).

Depression, anxiety, trauma, and substance use also increase irritability and anger and unfortunately anger is a pretty tricky emotion. One of the trickiest things about it is that it’s a secondary emotion – meaning it only comes out in response to other emotions. This is largely because anger is an emotion that exists to protect us. However, this same quality is why expressing anger alone will not often release our anger – it’s because the only thing our anger wants is the submission of whoever or whatever it is aimed at. The anger wants submission even though the primary emotions that lead to the anger typically want something entirely different.